Talk to your Teens
Sex and relationships are definitely Worth Talking About
Studies have shown that, on average, children and young people whose parents and carers talk to them about sex and relationships not only wait longer before having sex than their peers whose parents don’t talk to them, but they also have safer sex when they do start.
It’s never too early to start talking about it. If your child is asking questions about sex, they’re ready for truthful answers.
To help you have these conversations with your children, there are some useful links below and some top tips for approaching conversations – with younger children as well as teenagers.
Top Tips –
1. Start the conversations as early as possible Don’t think they’re too young to know. One of the many reasons why Holland and Scandinavia have been so successful in having the lowest levels of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections in the world is because parents in these countries talk more openly to their children about sex and relationships from a young age. For example, with younger children ‘where did you get me’? can be answered by saying ‘you grew in a special place in mummy’s tummy’.
2. Young children are naturally curious about their bodies, feelings, and other people. This is a good starting point for an open conversation about growing up, sex and relationships if you have young children.
3. Have everyday conversations, everyday.. Talk when you’re doing everyday things, like the washing-up or watching TV, so it’s part of normal life. It’s a much more relaxed, informal approach than sitting your children down for ‘a talk’.
4. Don’t be afraid to laugh. Enjoy it. Laugh with each other – not at each other – if something is funny. It can reduce embarrassment and stress.
5. Use your own experiences. Discussing your own relationship experiences can help overcome barriers remind you child that you’ve probably been through the same things they are experiencing.
6. Use other examples. From newspapers to soaps, TV shows to magazines, it is often useful to use everyday media to start conversations with children. Talking about other people or characters often makes the conversation a lot easier and removes embarrassment or tension. This can also help you communicate your own values, as well as helping your children to think through and challenge their own existing beliefs.
7. Find out what they already know. Find out what education your children are getting in school about sex and relationships. They may know more than you think, and the conversations will flow more easily. To access the curriculum on sex and relationships, click here.
8. Ask them what they think. This is a great way of finding out what they already know and what attitudes they’re shaping on the subject. It is important to treat their thoughts and opinions with respect, as it will encourage them to speak with you more openly. Your children may have different values than you when it comes to sex; don’t worry, such differences are part of them growing up. This does not mean that they are at risk or won’t appreciate talking to you.
9. Make sure you know what you’re talking about. Get up to date with your information and terminology before you start talking – it will give you credibility. Try the links at the bottom of this page for more information.
10. Treat your children equally. If you have a son and daughter, try to be consistent in what you tell them. It’s understandable for parents to be protective, but it is important to treat boys and girls equally when approaching the issues. Research shows that only 11% of boys receive information from their parents, and just 6% receive advice from their fathers. It’s important for everyone to be involved in the conversations.
11. Use questions. Ask them questions, and let them ask you too. Answer their questions and don’t be afraid to say: ‘I really don’t know – let’s work it out or look it up together’.
12. Always respond. Make sure you always go back and talk to them if they ask you something, even if you can’t answer straight away. Have a phrase for awkward moments, such as: ‘That’s a good question, but let’s talk about it once we get home’ (then make sure you do!). If you don’t, they may think it’s wrong to talk to you about sex and relationships.
13. Have good conversations. Choose a place where they will feel comfortable and relaxed. Keep what they say confidential, as communication will break down if their trust is broken. And if they say something you find shocking, stay calm and question them further to find out how much they actually know.
14. Tell them where to go to find out more. Direct your children to reliable and alternative sources of information and help, such as www.leedssexualhealth.com or www.ruthinking.co.uk
Like some more support?
Look out for a Speakeasy course in your area or ask at your child’s school or children’s centre. Speakeasy is a group-based, accredited course which helps parents and carers get the confidence and skills they need to talk to their children about sex, relationships and growing up. It is designed to be fun and relaxed, providing an atmosphere where parents can learn together from their own experiences.
Useful websites
Younger Children
BBC CBeebies
A good way of talking about reproduction with very young children
Children First
Explaining Puberty guide – making it simple for parents.
Parent Channel Video
A useful video to help parents talk to their children
Family Planning Association
Help and advice from the FPA, especially designed for parents and carers
Teenagers
Sex Worth Talking About
The Deparment of Health’s national campaign site, with loads of useful information and tips.
Barefacts
Practical video advice for parents from expert Maria Schopman on how to talk to their children about love, sex and relationships.
R U Thinking
The place for information & advice on love sex & relationships.
Parents Guide
Parents and carers’ guide to sex and relationship education
